I have officially been off ALL medication for 26 days! I feel freer than I ever have in my entire life. I’m not only free of the medication, but I feel like I finally broke free of whatever I let hold me down for years…I finally stood up for myself, held my ground, stuck with what I believed was right for me, and went with it till the end. AND I feel confident about it. What a surreal feeling!
Titrating off the Gabapentin was no where as bad as the Lamictal. With the Lamictal, I was sick on and off for about a full month after stopping the medication – constant diarrhea every morning, headaches, dizziness, nausea, flu-like symptoms, muscle pains, sweating, and overall fatigue. You experience all those symptoms that someone coming off from a heavy duty drug experiences; your body is essentially detoxing.
With the Gabapentin, it doesn’t have the half-life the Lamictal has and so my withdrawal symptoms did not last as long as the Lamictal (thank goodness!). Although many factors play a part in how long and how bad the withdrawal effects will be, it took me a little over a month to titrate off the Gabapentin from 3600 mg to 0 mg. (ALWAYS consult your doctor to titrate off a medication, do NOT do it by yourself!). The last week I was on it (300 mg per day, once a day) including the week right after stopping the Gabapentin, I felt sick everyday. I had constant headaches, dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, aches and pains, extreme fatigue, and low blood pressure. There were a few times the dizziness and lightheadedness was so bad I almost passed out.
The emotional and mental effects from getting off the Gabapentin seem to be more self-created out of fear and doubt than anything else. Although I knew this was the right decision for me, my body, and my overall life and health, I still had the image of my psychiatrist repeating to me over and over again, “You know what is going to happen…You are going to end up in the hospital again.” My emotional state would spiral down when I’d start hearing this in my head. I’d start thinking, “What if she’s right? What if I’m setting myself up for failure?” One day I completely broke down after an appointment with her. I cried to Jake and asked him if these fears held any truth, if my psychiatrist was right…That’s when he told me that he thought I was doing better than ever, and he was so proud of me for holding my ground and doing what is best for me and my health. That’s when a lightbulb came on in my head which made me believe what will be, will be – I know what my risks are, but I am willing to take that chance. A life with deteriorating physical health is no life at all to me.
During this time of titration, I started taking magnesium supplements to help with the Gabapentin withdrawal symptoms along with exercise (at least a 30-minute walk a day), lots of water, meditation, nature, and support of friends and family. It sounds too simple to be true, I know. But something clicked for me a few months ago, like an epiphany, a ray of light, a reconnection with a High Power if you will. My hair was falling out, I had shingles on my back from the medication, my vision was so blurry I couldn’t read for more than five minutes, I felt depleted of all life…Enough was enough. Although I believe in medication for some, I realized it is not for me. Taking a pill to “solve” my emotional issues will only be a temporary solution, like a bandaid. I needed to embrace other types of healing (talk-therapy, exercise, meditation, nature, family, friends, laughter, healthy eating, and all those simple things in life that we take for granted) to really clean and heal that wound.
Remember, you are not alone in any struggle in your life. It is NEVER too late to change your direction, your goals, your health, your life. Just like how a forest after a fire can regrow and become a lush, beautiful green forest again, you too can regrow your life one day at a time. It may take longer to make those changes later on in life, but it will be so worth it!
Live the life you love, and love the life you live!